mental problem

well life has been quite sad lately... yes... SAD!!!!! haiz... i'm been burying myself with band stuff to do... its been enjoyable to have so many things to do.. learn alot on the way there.. but very tiring la.... hiaz... my life has been sad....

Reasons why Janice is sad:

1. SICK... sianz... i hate being sick... and down...
2. Dear is overseas... i miss dear man... haiz....
3. Dear is not telling me stuff.. he just keeps everything inside him... haiz... and its making me have a mental problem... i just get irritated so easily... haiz... even i get pissed off by myself.....

Janice says enough... not in the mood to blog... haiz

The mission 'sequel'

well.. haha.. shall not mention the mission for the moment.. when time is ripe i shall write about in here.. no worries...

Last saturday we celebrated chun wai's and ash's birthday.. dear went mad with them... yu heng was the funniest.. he acted drunk.. or maybe he was.. haha.. drank so much absolute vodka.. he was singing <> at the top of his voice at east coast park!!! haha.. so funny... due to the guys went mad drinking and playing PSP there... we resulted in taking cabs home.. haha... ziwei looked damn funny wearing dear's big slippers... haha.... so cute.... i also met my primary school classmate - Theresa there (dear is also from the same primary school as me)... haha..... it was quite a fun day... or shall i say fun night....

Now about band yesterday... haha... i'm really quite upset to find 4 of my trumpeters missing.. ( haiz... sianz.... ) Dominique is transfering school... Wei Yuan just skipped band for no reason... Fiona and stella QUIT band... i never understood why people just quit halfway... haiz.... and both their mothers don't allow them to come for band ( unless they have the same mother... i don't believe it....) i feel damn sad that my juniors are just going one by one... its quite sick la.... haiz.... its seriously in the mind i guess... my parents also wanted me to quit... ( had skin problems.. still having skin problems now too...) but i'm still here.... i dont care!!!! my parents couldnt make me quit... so.. here i am... i managed to score quite well for O's and managed all the school council stuff and band stuff... and i am still here... ( my TP results sux la... but its improving... i will make it better... I DON CARE!!!!)

Oh yes... we finally settled the songs for the SYF competition... haha... it is THE LAST BATTLE... oh well... if they don wanna work hard then there is nothing much i can do.... haiz... well... meeting was fun last night... its always funny with kai yee around... haha.... it ended at 10 plus... going to work later and meet dear after that.. cool right? i'm been quite busy lately... school is starting soon.... well.. i must do well this sem ( Ben is boasting about his good grades... i must do well too.. haha.... kidding.. i'm just jealous.. haha) oh well... when you will it.. it is no dream... haha....

Janice... goes off to do house work... THE MAID...

mission possible

well... today i'm back in school with dear... i've just eaten and i'm not hungry... haha... we are back in school for a secret mission... haha... tell u more soon...

Janice goes on a mission..

Sickness>>

I am so freaking tired man.... whoo... my Creative Media Source Programme Killed me yesterday... i accidentally deleted all the songs in my com (500+ songs)... and i had to rip them back into the com... took me ages to do that.. i just finished it....

Now... Back to BAnd life... whee... the songs for the whole formation is out... we took a day to decide and complete some of the formations... drill quest is freaking tired to look at... haha.. yup... by next meeting the general thing should be out man... whoo.. life is exciting... as for the handbook... i'll finish up on sheryl's part and then it should be almost done too.. whee... i've been kinda sick lately.. no appetite to eat anything.. feeling queasy and having headaches... haiz... wonder when will this end... haven been sleeping well too....

Since Sat.. i realised that so many peps are reading my blog... Jasper told me my blog is very HOT... haha.. i should start taking the website off my msn nick man.... ok.. i've gotta get back to the handbook stuff....

Janice says BYE>>>>

life awaits

whee... my dear has finished his exams and i'm back doing band stuff again... band handbook... formations... music... alumni stuff... band uniform.... wow... so many things waiting for me to do... and house work too... *headache...

well... just a little look into my life.. i just finished eating lunch and my dad has been pestering me to eat fruits... when i said i was full he said: ' u don eat when u are hungry.. u eat because u need to...' haha.. but i still didnt eat it... hahah... i havn been doing much these few days.. but just feel very tired and stuff... (band withdrawl symtoms) haha... oh well.... no matter what i've still gotta carry on.. life awaits new challenges....

hmm.. lets talk about movies... i just watched 'Tim Burton's Corpse Bride" with dear last sat... it was so interesting and sad at the same time. Ironic.. but ya... haha.. its quite interesting how he married the wrong women and in the end willing to sacrifice his life for her... cute dog too... couldnt play dead... haha... life in their nether world seems interesting... i'm going to watch ' The Myth' with dear later... haha... so happy... i've never been happier... its always happy to be with him... though he pisses me off sometimes... ( i piss him off too.. haha.. we are quits).. well.. watching the myth later is to listen out for songs we can used for band and stuff... haha... private and confidential... muahahah....

well.. the other day i was wreaking my head to write the president's foreword for the band handbook.. i had totally no idea how the hell to write it ( so did Ben... ) well.. so i just wrote it the way i feel it would be best.... with a personal touch... then at night, i saw Ben's foreword.. i felt sad.. like i couldnt even do a simple thing nicely.. oh well... Ben said he would edit it for me... but i feel that my english sux la... or the other way to think about it is Ben's english is super good... maybe because he reads alot... i don really read alot... maybe i should start now.. haha... ok... i shall stop freaking out over small matters like these...

a little weather forecast: heavy showers in 1 hour....

Janice.. life awaits

Zzz.....

wow... i'm freakin tired now.. just woke up not long ago... this past week has been madness.. working.. teaching norman... so tired... finally its over... well,, i hope norman can pass his paper... well... his performance on the mock paper i gave him yesterday was hideous... i'm so sad... haiz... oh well.. i've done my best.... its really up to him to fight the battle alone now.... yesterday was hectic.... i worked non stop from 10am to 12mn... whoo... cool man... i'm dead beat now.... later i'll be going to work also.... from 2 to 6.... well... thats the only way to earn money.... haiz... i'm freaking poor now la.... can some one with some heart donate money to janice's charity???? sob... haha....

Life has been quite sad now la..... i got my dear into trouble la... its all my fault.... i thought that supplementary paper would be 16 oct... but its actually this week... haiz dear checked yeaterday and found out... so he didnt study enough... its all my fault... hiaz.... i feel sad... haiz...

well... there was bali bombings again last saturday... well.. its so sad that things like that have to happen in the world... i don't understand whats going on the minds of those sucide bombers.... they just explode themselves... its really such a selfish act to take others with you when you decide to kill yourself like that.... well... i don't know what the world is coming to.. its becoming a sad case..... talking about bombings... i read in the newspaper that the government is going to 'bomb' the mrt stations late this year during rush hour... haha... its a really great idea... to test the people's reactions in time of crisis... anyway.. we Singaporeans have been too comfortable in Singapore.. but i feel that they should not have mentioned it in the newspapers.... if it was a 'surprise' it would be better.... well... i'm waitin to see what happens...

Janice... Zzz

updates... janice's life

well.. its been some time since i blogged... that means i've been busy... haha... life has been quite miserable lately.. since my sis got her new job, i've been doing 80% of the house work on top of whatever that i have been doing.. sianz... oh well.. i'll just take it as a form of exercise.. being positive helps a little... haha... i'm also suffering from withdrawal symtoms... 1 week of no band is killing me... i cant stand it... arrgh.. however... i've already finished the initial designs of the new improved band uniforms.... haha... surprise surprise... no one is going to peek at them till the next meeting... haha... ( hint... Kenrick.. please dont cancel this sat's meeting.... haha) the designs are currently with my dearest 'azzah.. haha.. my drawing sux to the core.. so 'azzah and her bf ridzwan are doing the drawing for me... haha.. that takes loads off my mind....

Now... the next thing to concentrate is norman's N' level english... well... i've been teaching him for some time now... i think abt 1 month.... and his paper is on mon... he has improved a little.. but its up to him if he wants to pass his paper well... i'm aiming at least a C5 for him... i know he should be able to do it... hahaz....

well... i've been working a little too this week... cause there is a fair so my workplace asked me if i could work.... ya.. so i'm quite tired this week with work and tuition for norman and doing band stuff... but i'll be able o get through... yeah..

Dear has been sad too... we haven gone out for some time le... he is busy with work too.. haha... when he is free... i'm not vice versa... so we have both been sulking for the past week... ( arrgh... i just saw i freaking big aedes mosquito...freak it) i miss my dear.. hearing his voice every night makes me feel better....

Oh yes.. just a little update on my results.. ya i managed to pass all this sem.. whee... but mostly all C grade.. haiz...
Communication Skills for appiled science: Distinction
Introduction to Psychology: B+
Plant Cell Technology: C+
Biochemistry II: C
Molecular Genetics: C
Fundamentals of Pathology: D+
Applied Immunology: D

Yup.. this is my results.. i think i did quite ok for the mani paper.. but because of the term test and the quizes... i pulled my grades down.... i'll study harder next sem... i can do it!!!

Janice... ending on a high note

Taking the first step ahead

today is a tiring day man... whoo... i'm tired.. didnt slp last night... was thinking of the band uniform stuff... when the engine is on.. haha.. can't stop.. so ive got new ideas after looking at some online material... haha.. i'm still sourcing for a person who can draw well to aid me.. mum is too busy to help.. maybe 'azzah ba... hope she is free... i'll call her soon.. after all my freaking ideas are concrete.. den must find talior and professional hat makers.. haha... get quotations... asap... whoo.. thats quite some things to settle..

alumni is almost settled.. just financially strapped a bit.. as we need to get reeds and stuff... quite stressed lately.. hope i will get the uniform designs out soon... i'm excited about what is in the future... i meet my dear today for dinner... he went to gym with ziwei, chun wai and ash... haha...i have been neglecting him like hell for the past week due to band stuff... but he is understanding la.. he sulks.. but he won get angry.. bought an xbox game with him that day.. haha.. he was like a kid... and i bought harry potter book today... ben says its kiddy... well maybe i'll move on to other genres after i finish... haha.. i never really liked reading too much thou... oh well.. gotta start some where....

i've been doing house work till my hands hurt... hand washed the clothes today... washed the toilet and cleaned the kitchen... i'm really tired... but i just can't sleep with so many things on my mind.. I've been really glad that Ben has been here even though he has his exams in 2 days... i dunno how i will cope if i were him.. but... haha... i'm not him.. haha...

oh well... i've oso gotta give norman last minute english tuition for his N's... looking at it... i think i can make him pass.. but he has to work hard la.. its no so easy as in english.. its all unexpected stuff.... and i also need to ralk to wei yuan.. his attitude in band is... dissapointing... well i guess i'll be able to settle that....

Janice has taken the first step ahead....

life has to go on

i'm crying now....

so many things have happened that even i dunno how to react....

Grace and bin have broken up.. i really feel so sad that this has to happen... even though he never treated her very well.. she still loved him.. maybe thats how silly we are... i've walked out of it.. but it still brought some memories back after reading Grace's blog and remembering what she said... not being appreciated.. why do men just hurt us so much... it was so hard for me to walk out of it.. as i had to act normal.. not sad.. even happy... just to humour the people around me... hurting myself more.. drowning myself with pills.. ( glad i didnt die).. well.. the last few days i've been saying : 'its over'

Life is full of everything... ( i'm still weeping)

Today we had sectionals... wanted to teach fiona and stella well.. my gastric was acting up again.. its been some time since it has been this pain.. but no one seemed to care.. so i didnt care too.. then it secretly went away.... i guess.. i love my section.. but they don't.... its sad i feel... not being appreciated... but.. i guess... some numbing effect will set in and it will be gone... they felt sad that aqeel is one... i feel sad too.. but band life has to move on.. people come and go...

Dear has been sulking the whole week at me.. cause i've been having band stuff the whole week... he stayed at home the whole day when he had off days.. i felt so bad.. however... my band still has to come first.. i'm glad he has been understanding....

Life has been spinning round so fast... i have to quicken my pace... so many band stuff to do.. so little time... can't stall the time... well its ironic that last time i always wanted to be part of the planning gang... for SYF... its tough... but i will suceed... i dont want to give up... its my dream.... but my family is not so understanding la.. but anyway... hiaz.. i will survive.. because i want to... i want to move on with my life... and walk away from the sadness... i don want any guilt or anything... no one owes me anything... i just wanna be happy again.... this few days...

its just the beggining... i will step out and take the first step... janice

time to walk out of darkness

My exams are finally over... i'm so happy.. i studied like hell this time... usually i'll study the day before the papers ( maybe thats why i always get shit results) but this time i studied from the study week till the end.. hope i can do better... when Ben smsed me on the friday before the study week to tell me that the seniors were meeting at 730am the next morning... i thought for a moment... should i go for band?? then i felt that i should study hard.. get over with my exams at 1 go and then i can concentrate on my alumni and band.. as i president i should not be getting those pathetic results every year... i'm aiming for a GPA for at least 3... its a long way.. but i'm sure i'll make it... because nothing is impossible.. but you must take that brave first step. only then you will be able to walk to your goal...

As my personal life.. haha.. my birthday came and left quietly... in the band.. only sheryl, ben and chai jing wished me happy birthday... Sheryl's sms was the first of the day!! and Marcus Kor was the best.. he smsed 2 mins before the end of my birthday.. haha... well i guess... life was good... dear bought me a braclet.... so sweet....

Well as for band... haha.. just missing 2 weeks of band meant alot.. i mean ALOT.... so many things happened.. WOW!!! lets start with the major stuff.. i missed the band chalet.. i really wanted to go.. however... if i went.. i'll be wedged between studying and playing... den i won't be able to do well for anything, be it enjoying myself or being tagged down with my notes... so i stayed at home to mug... while lots of partying and alcohol was circulating... ( Can't drink too much alcohol though.. i'll get a slight asthma attack) but i guess i didnt really regret my decision in the end... at least i managed to do my papers confidently.... Well... yesterday my trumpeters met for sectionals at the sun plaza park.. good place... started to rain though... but the seniors were MISSING.. haiz... i've really never seen such irresponsible seniors... they should really help the juniors.. who are clueless... their playing is terrible... only hui xin and norman were there... so norman and Ben took the thirds, i took the seconds and hui xin took the first... den i realised that their basics were not even there... ( What had the seniors been doing???? ARRGH!!!! why the section like that!!!!!! ARRGH!!!! ) but i shall keep my composure... what i need now is patience.... we will be able to make it TOGETHER!!!
Well.. yesterday we also discussed the matter of Gim Kai and Poh... it slipped my tongue that Gim was coming on mon for band... and Poh said that he didnt want to go down on mon... well my personal opinon... no matter how you avoid.. your paths will cross again... misunderstandings must be cleared... why do i say its a misunderstanding? Cause there was never face to face contact... all interpretitions were done over blog... no matter how you interpret, no one can ever get the same understanding as the author... i remember my tution teacher.. she used to tell me that everyone needs time to stand up from falling down.. some need more time .. some need less time... well i guess Gim needs more time... i never blamed him... everyone has different perspectives... life is all about waiting.. however.. everyone choses different ways to wait... i chose to be happy and do what ever i like... happiness to be is important ( though it makes me look forever young.. i guess it keeps the people around happier too). Face your problems head on.. there will always be a way out... there will seldom be a win win situation... but as long as you don't feel that it is a lost den it won't be so bad....
Then the other matter was about norman... well... some stuff had happened and he was badly hurt mentally.. well his heart was always for her.. since the time they were together till they broke up.. till we were together ( for 1 week... haha.. i guess i never regret the stuff that i decided) i've learnt alot from norman... at least all our tears an sweat paid off.. he has grown up... i'm happy for him... that he has experienced alot and be able to still stand strong and brave...

Janice... maybe its time to walk out of the darkness...