it feels weird to be this happy to see someone.

to run towards the train station so I can see you for 1 more second.

the smile at myself when i think of you.

yet, somehow fear penetrates me.

the more you try to hold on tighter to something.

the more you might lose it.

the vulnerability of life scares me.

as we move in different directions,

the little red thread seems to be getting longer but thicker

have you heard your heart flutter? Because I have.

has it really been that long?

it still feels like 2007.

janice. what is Love?

HOW CAN ANYONE NOT LOVE A GREYHOUND??

1. THEY LOOK ABSOLUTELY CUTE, WHEN THEY LIE DOWN AND TUCK THEIR EARS BEHIND.

2. YOU CAN DRESS THEM UP LIKE ANYTHING!

3. THEY ARE NOT AS ACTIVE AS PEOPLE PRESUME THEM TO BE

4. THEY ARE SO "NUAH", LAZING ON SOFT CUSHIONS AND BED AND ON YOUR LAP

5. THEY ARE THE BEST COMPANIONS EVER.

so when can i have my own greyhound? :((when i get my own house and car. then i'll adopt my greyhound. i can't wait!!

found this super cute site: daily puppies

janice.

busy busy busy week.

work is just rewarding yet crappy. i love working with students, talking to them and telling them cool stuff, but sometimes their ignorance annoys me a tad. if only they knew how much work was gone into preparing a programme, they wouldn't complain that much. or maybe thats why they are still students in their little bubble of la-la land.

work on the other hand has been a pain, correction- people at work have been just a pain. so boss has been showing much favouritism to the "new guy", totally moral boosting. so now he is managing the office (including what we are doing aka i have to report to him what i'm doing), he is doing a conference call with the head office in America, just because he is from there. and so "new guy" can take leave to go on cruises on his first 3 months of probation. and every morning without fail, i'll get a blast of his ego- flattery talk. like how boss has spent 2 weeks trying to get customs to clear our goods and he just made a phone call and its all ok.

yup totally, make me feel lousy all the time. i'm a person where i prefer my work to do the talking rather than me telling others how good i am.

hai. sinking deeper into this shit hole. now i'm contemplating forsaking my year end bonus (which is 1 month- sucks) for like a new better paying job. and i know though i like students, education is not my thing. i really enjoy maketing yet tons of people think its sales.

anyway, i've almost completed my first 2 weeks of detox with LFI, lost around 3kg. going to start my acupuncture next week. and starting basic Korean class next week too. baby is starting work next week too.

its only 1030am, yet i feel so annoyed to be here, looking at hypocritical people.

janice. my 1 year mark is up.

Day 1- 4 in Brisbane

okay, so this is my long over due post when i went to visit/ bring hock back to Singapore. (please watch as my face gets rounder and rounder over the course of the 14 days.)

So we start of with skinnier me- arriving after 8 hours of plane wear and tear excluding my lovely flight delays with Qantas.

So by the time i arrived it was- noon? I took the midnight flight, Jeremy and Hock came to pick me. and the first thing I did? SLEEP!

with my lovely injured thumb, all wrapped up. went grocery shopping after that and cooked a terrible meal. i actually feel quite ashamed thinking about how bad it was.

Day 2- woke up to ass freezing temperatures (i've been acclimatised here), and headed off to UQ, feed duckies!!!

my new friend- The Ibis.

Then we drove like 1 hour to Harbour town. This is the thing that pisses me off, everything was so damn bloody far, driving 1 hr is like norm, but for a new driver like me, it was shitting in my pants.

No pictures of shopping- we didn't buy much after all. i guess i had no shopping mood.

so we ate at Nonna's Italian Restaurant, aww the ribs were awesome, like finger licking good awesome!

then shop more and more......

the stuff we bought, i was too lazy to display everything on the bed. hahaha.. bought dresses, some FCUK shirts, a name card holder from Oroton, more havi's and bags.

Day 3- Movie World- please don't waste money on this place- it was a tad boring, and not worth the money.

The money shot- BUGS BUNNY@_@ i didn't care that my double chin was showing because i love you BUGSZ!

The money ride- Lethal Weapon, i really think i almost/ did drip some saliva down when we did the double rotations because i was focusing on screaming.

drove all the way home for dinner and master chef- its like a family thing. MASTER CHEF!!

Day 4- Fraser Island

Basically the whole island is made of sand and its bigger than Singapore- yes BIGGER. so the only way was by 4WD. we sat in that thing for say 4-5 hours? to reach fraser island. totally hated the car ride, though i slept 60% of the ride it was really uncomfortable. but its worth if you stay a few days on the island (they have proper holiday houses).

us on the barge that took the cars across the sea to the island.

driving on the sand. it was like in the movies, and because we are small we got the front seats! cam whore!!

Located within the island are lakes formed when the leaves create a crust underneath for water to seep in. OMG! this was visual orgasm, not to mention that the water and silica sand is good for beauty and exfoliation. HAHAHA.. we started exfoliating our limbs.

This is another lake- stained red from the leaves of the melaleuca plant.

janice. home sweet home.

sometimes i wonder who really truly care for me.

after all these years there are that handful through the friendship funnel that have finally emerged as people I should care for. these are the people that though irritate you the most with their opposing ideas and firm ground, they care for you the most deep down.

some friends get a partner and forsake you, i've felt that its such a shame yet I cannot fully understand how one can get a mate and decide them to be their whole world. Cyber world does make things alot easier to maintain now, but i can't fathom how people can just drift away from people than mean the world to me.

my family and my beloveds.

anyway, yes pictures later. got a huge KPI, reports, proposals and marketing material to churn. I love the feeling of being busy. but i hate the feeling of empty pockets.

brissy, perth, birthday soon.

janice. who reads my foresaken blog? hmm

my birthday celebration was a new experience.

it didn't feel very special, yet it felt warm.

it wasn't a bed of roses because there was tons of annoyance.

but it was fun. not that i want to repeat the experience of losing my ez-link/ master card again.

janice. i need to learn to listen and control my temper.

set on the pedestal

sometimes i think i worry too much about being judged. from what you do, how you dress, what songs you listen to, what shows you watch. etc etc.

I mean come on, everyone is a victim of being judged and a culprit of being judgemental. Even I am, like i used to laugh at my dearies in aussie about watching gossip girl as being bimbo. still i don't get watching GG, and still they don't get me watching my crime shows.

so why are people so judgemental when we go for Korean artiste concerts or fan meetings? It just a different genre of pop, a different language. but that does not mean i'm some person that stalks their every move, some insane fan. Its just a form of support (to me at least), to show that we appreciate their music, their effort and their programs.

is it any different from going to a concert with maroon 5 or paramore? no. so just stop being judgemental.

and i love my korean shows and music. and many other things too.

janice. if you don't understand it doesn't mean its not appreciated.

i just remembered that my parents are coming back on sunday.

time to chiong housework.

CN Blue tmr! awesome. Hubby's job interview! awesome. Weekend! Double ding dongs

janice. why can't we have a day off on our birthday?

meetups!

I've been thinking alot lately about tons of different stuff, ranging from friendship to weddings to work.

decisions, decisions, decisions.

about friendship: its kinda sad that we drift apart because of certain factors, well basically now everyone gives the excuse of being busy with work. as i said- excuse. because no matter how busy i am i always set aside time for people i care about. not acquaintances but true friends. rather weird to some, but i've had my fair share of "busy" stuffed in my face. though crude is the best way of fending people off just like at the MRT station full of insurance/credit card agents.

but it was great meeting up with the lovlies from secondary school. no pictures of me, because they took photos after I left. zzz.. next time then.. which is next month. Yippeee.

:) people change, for the better or worse, friendship is there forever.

Met up with Rwds too, its always "happening" to go out with them, getting random weird stares for our illegal congregation of 20-30 people.

but i'm glad to welcome the boy back. its weird having him back, because now we get to act like a normal couple, which i'm not used to. Like meeting him every other day is weird. and having someone walk me home is weird. but its not like i dislike that. just that its "adjustment phase" again.

and nope, wedding bells are not ringing for us just yet. i'm still too young to get married and i wanna be selfish and spend my hard earned cash on myself. for now.

janice. 1 2 3 smile. don't squatter with the low lives here.

i feel fucking insulted back here.

talk about stereotypes. fuck seriously just fuck off. I have nothing against Americans or Caucasians, but seriously? Boss? to put Him one level above me is an insult. To say that he does copyrighting better than me just because he has a better command of English is an insult.

to say that after I freaking edited his grammar and English that he did a good job. WHAT THE FUCK MAN. seriously!? what about MY credit? thanks!

i cannot stand that old retired ex-marine, ex-chartered accountant that USED to earn $60/hr, i'm sick of your bragging about branded things you have and your stupid iPad. seriously i have better things to do than to listen about your "all so awesome life". just fuck off.

i'm so freaking annoyed with the ignorance people have of "marketing" which equals= "sell things"

just go fuck yourself and die.

PS: i'm not a bimbo just because i wear nice clothes and have nice shoes and bags. somebody just teleport me away.

janice.

i'm on MC today, spent the entire day sleeping, feeling awesome once more.

janice. at the boy's place now.

i'm going to be a drama junkie again.

with My Girlfriend is a Nine-Tailed Fox (Korean), Playful Kiss (Korean), Burn Notice (US), CSI - LV (US), NCIS (US), Criminal Minds (US).

Janice. May we all be able to play and not work

wow, ever since my boss became a dad, he also seemingly became my dad. freaking naggy. well its time to job hunt again.

the rule is you have to keep seeking till you find the right job.

i'm a graduate getting a diploma's pay check.

hubby started his part time job today. its a new phase for us again. :)

janice. i hate myself for being a clutz.

Rest In Peace

Is is still as pain when you are dealing with a lost that you saw coming?

I think the pain of losing a loved one still exists deeply. I'm sorry for my dearest babe that lost her mum to her year long battle with cancer. As much as I know it was taking its toll on her mum and her family, i've finally seen her more relaxed.

But as i read her email to us they day before the passing, it made my heart strings pull. As i quote her:" She is trying to say someting but my sis can't figure out what. " she said that her mum was waiting for her to come home from work, but by the time she reached home, her mum was asleep.

Today, its my lovely's birthday and in her email she said:" Last yr during my bdea, my mum was jus able to start her chemo and she is still chubby and mobile, this year during my bdea, she is sick and senile. "

Her mum was always welcoming and friendly, we were just discussing to visit her over the weekend. but we never made it. though the family is coping really well, i'm sure we all have regrets.

janice. we cannot live to remember those who have left, but we live to create memories with those who are still with us. Not to regret when the day they have departed.

Work is getting sort of challenging in a different way, which is good. :) and GOD i seriously need to clear my cupboard, the immense amount of clothes i have in there is gross because some date from secondary school. HAHA.

just some random pikture updates: from in dumb-careless-bimbo-janice moment when i used my left hand to slam my right thumb with my boss' car door. Glam right!

after cleaning up 90% of the blood that i held with my other hand. and waiting at the A&E

After docs cleaned up at punctured a hole to remove the blood, to reduce the pressure under my nail.

and i just cleaned up the nail yesterday once more. by using a needle to remove the clots. still gross. but definitely on the road to recovery.

Today is B my deaf colleague's birthday. and I baked and Iced a cake for him, with hock's help.

Tah-dah, but he is on MC today. FML.

oh well. we shall eat it then

janice. tyooodles...

Okay this is freaky.

though i'm terrified of Chinese 7th Ghost Month, but this is FREAKY!

well basically we are in the office printing forms for workshops and well we need 325 copies, so i printed 1 test piece, that leaves 324 to be printed. so while i typed 324 into the copies box in microsoft word. CK says, don't print all at one shot the printer will jam. so i typed 99 to make it a 100 with the original 1 copy.

Then when it started printing, it seemed like it was printing ALOT, so i checked the print queue on the copier it said 225 copies. WEIRD.

Then when it finally stopped i took the whole stack, split it and passed it to ck to count. The scary part? the random stack i gave him was exactly 99 copies and the total was 324. FUCK can!!

i remembered typing 99.

janice. please pray for me.

Life has been good to me for now. its time to blog once more i guess?

perth and brisbane was awesome, will blog about those 16 days soon. but azzah's wedding was a bomb. its quite a reality check for me in a way that one of my best friend's is married. and ridz is such an awesome person that i'm deeply happy for her. I made new friends along the way, and a million people said I LOOK MALAY. fine. if you said that 4 years ago when i was in band.

love my chili red nails, henna and of course dian!!

bridesmaids and best men with the bride and groom

my lovely and I, make up does amazing things!

and i popped by a mosque too!

happy fasting to my muslim friends. i also need a fats for the 3kg i gained in australia. DAMN

dear boss,

talk is cheap and pep talks don't work. whats the point of asking us how are we coping when all you want to hear is one word: "ok"

i've been pondering what difference does it make if we say we are all burnt out? will you hire new help? nope.

so just go for your maternity/ paternity leave. because it makes no difference to me.

my motto in life was to be happy. now its just get lost at let me sleep.

janice

nice Mr HOD, my English is not up to standard? just because I don't talk much during meetings it doesn't mean I don't speak well.

Thanks. you just questioned the standard of Singaporean's English. Seriously, I hate to talk to science teachers. Stop thinking so highly of yourself. when will people learn to humble themselves

oh well.

i'm uber pissed off.

zah just called to give me her wedding invitation. i'm worried for myself. I hate to see myself move on to another phase of life. changes mean too much to my analytical mind.

janice. JKS FM was reaaallllyyy enjoyable. thanks fuzzy.

and i can't agree more....

wow, more than 2 months since i blogged. this shows

1) how busy work is

2) how not interested i am in blogging till now.

but anyway, work load has been crazy yet i've been coping well. in the 2 months marked the departure of 3 colleagues due to school, contracts and overseas living. now the already small SME has become even smaller. soon it will be OMO (one man operation).

i miss having people my age around, it makes me old without them. one of the kids asked me if I'm 28 *stabs heart. It sucks to look young (and try to dress old). i feel like I'm not me anymore. but the annoying thing is that i have to look older for work.

imagine: no short skirts, no translucent tops, as long i can see any part of your bra (including the straps) you are dead, no dark and black eyeliner (NOOOOO!!!), no cleavage, edit no part of your chest should be shown. really? i should be a nun. but soon, I'll be out of here.

I miss having my intern around and s.mel around too, sometimes i wish i never came back from aussieland. its too stifling here. i miss the crisp fresh air the smell of happiness in the air. now its dull, humid and mundane. i wish each day we would learn to smile and be a person who is truly happy.

rather on the other hand, I've been really enjoying my driving lessons. my instructors are just awesome. now its rather sad to think that when i pass i might never see them again. its upsetting to build bonds with people and see them leave.

leaving is really a process i abhor and resent, yet it marks new beginnings and opportunities. oh well.

I've decided not to ask my company to subsidise my driving. sound stupid right? duh but it was never agreed by my boss to only pay for 50% of my driving if i pass on first try. AND it was merely a comment. rather than doing it for my company, i want to do it for myself. i want this to be a personal accomplishment that I've done with my own money I've earned.

on another (important) random note, PY got a Gold at the SYF this year! friggin proud though i did nothing for them for the past 3 years since i left for aussie. deep inside i really miss band, but yet the distance is forged and the bonds are lost.

alot of people question me supporting py instead of my Alma mater SPF, seriously i hate my school. for reasons i refuse to disclose.

i love my juniors I've trained of course, they are family to me. but really my seniors are from PY. i remember the day my SL from SPF walked out on us, i remember all of them leaving grained in my mind. and my PY seniors took us in, taught us like we were one family. that's what i love, the family culture. they taught me to be what and who i am today. so naturally they are my band Alma mater. people can say whatever they want because i live my life for myself.

janice. life means too little unless you live to make life happen.