band.. what a wonderful word.. how much meaning is underlying beneath that 1 word... music is not listened my the ears.. it is by the heart.. only the heart can hear true music..

band... i went back on thursday.. the moment i stood outside the school my legs went numb.. i didnt have the courage to step in anymore... but still i went in.. i saw my trumpters.. my heart sank.. i really missed them all... then.. they all stood up and greated me with the most enthu tone that i've heard.... i missed them all... so much...

band... the bonds we forged can never be erased.... 'honey' aka syasya my lovable junior came up to me and said.. ' i've broken up with andrew' i didnt know how to react... i just hugged her.. i guess life will be so different without band.. with band, i have juniors and seniors and myself.... what i am today is what the band had moulded me today... ( Even though i am a bit out of shape.. haha)

band... is it really still in the mind.. or are we losing our minds?? i really don't know....

band.. its my life.. thats the place i was made for... my 2nd home

better turn

Hello to all that will read my blog... haha.. i know that no one reads it though... haha... well life has been slightly better now.. i've learnt to take things easy.. even though i still flare up in lab.. dunno why.. sorry to all i have flared up on.... my gong left me a small amt of money.... that was all that i had left of him... my aunts came and we settled everything remaining... my dad has cleared up his room.. we are going to use it as a computer room.. wonder how will i study there... haiz... band is still the same.. i dunno what to do... my life has been piling up with work... but i've been able to complete them man.. haha.. even i'm amazed with my abilities... haha.. but i didnt do well for immunity subject.. haiz just keep on failing.. bio was my pro subject then... haiz... i've been going to the gym lately.. exercise is good man... i've been feeling so much better... well i hope that life has turned for a better turn...

Janice runs away..

lost

i forgot to include dear's yo yo results for his Singapore Championships.... he is now no 6 in Singaapore's ranking... i'm so happy for him.. just gave him a celebration at Thaiexpress... hope he is happy..
Band now is no more a motivation for me... now the alumni is not needed anymore.. or shall i say we have no more method to help... with the padang rehearsals on saturday and they have given out passes...we are totally left out now.. with no passes.. i can't go back for band anymore.. weekdays are full of school.. now saturdays we are 'barred' from going.. i feel useless.. its so sad.. like dear said.. i am insecure... well maybe thats the way to put it.. haiz... i really don't know what or how to make my alumni better... every step is an obstacle.. things just keep on happening.... be it James Tan giving more problems... the alumni committee not giving support to me... or shall it be that i have not earned any respect from them.. i just am so tired.. no one understands what the position of being the president is... i'm lost.. i need to find the light... but where is it?

departing

life has been so different since the last time i blogged. exactly from that day 8 june.. my life changed.. its so different now... i'll never be normal again... My grandfather passed away.. silently.. he left without saying goodbye.. he was 92 years old.. just after publishing my last blog it hit me with a phone call from my sis.. " Jan.. gong has just passed away..." it sort of rang in my head... i did'nt know what to do but head home... when he was alive my family was kinda prepared that he will leave us soon as he was 92.. i thought i wouldnt be lost when it really happened.. i thought... That night of his passing my whole family retreated to their rooms.. however.. no one slept that night and all the other nights that followed...
Out of all the 11 grand children my gong had.. i was the one he doted on most... he would always give my money.. and carry me as a child.. and he would love to eat the biscuits i bought for him... i really dunno what life is now.. for the past 18 years of my life.. he has been there silently.. now... out of a sudden.. gone. We gave him a simple ceremony as he was a simple man and a baptised Christian.. he loved to go to church.. when i saw him lying in the coffin.. he looked peaceful.. i missed him alot... When i took a glance of his picture from far he seemed sad.. but from near he was smiling.. i knew he had left for a better place...
During his final his journey to the crematorium... i was weeping... i missed my gong.. my uncle gave an eulogy.. and he ended with " farewell my Father.. shall we meet at that beautiful shore.." My heart sank at that moment... then.. i watched as the automated trolley pushed my gong into his final resting place... all i could say was " goodbye gong gong"... i had to say goodbye to the man that doted on me for my 18 years of life...
Hours later with a more peaceful heart we went beck to mandai to collect his ashes.. it was colourful with green and pink on the ashes.. the undertaker said it meant he was a kind man.. after placing 'him' in the urn.. we when to his ' new house' and there my gong will rest... i miss him dearly.. till now when i glance into him room i see him sitting there... until a few days ago, we found a book in his drawer.. it wrote all our birth dates and time and names.. but my name was tediously written as when i was born he has a partial stroke on his right side... suddenly i regretted that since i grew up.. i never had a picture taken with him...
i... love my gong... he will rest in my heart forever...

life??

well.. my com is still not here yet.. so here i am at e appiled science com lab all alone.. dear's yoyo com is coming this weekend.. i know that i'll have to go.. but i dunno if i can skip prac on sat.. i'm worried.. but i know that he will do well.. he is the 'champ'.. haha.. he is so full of shit!! life now.. its kind weird without grace, niang and meli... life in tp just seems so incomplete without them.. and life has been hectic.. there are so many tests and quizzes.. it seems that you can't take a breather for just a minute.. i've been kinda sad.. i dunno wads wrong with my life.. it seems so draggy.. haiz.. its so hard just to meet them or dear for lunch.. its just so tiring.. and my new classmates are weird too.. or maybe shall i say i haven gotten used to them.. its just so empty feeling.. in alumni too.. i know many of them don treat me as e president.. i dunno if that is good or bad.. but i just dont feel wanted.. i always get the news last and stuff.. haiz.. maybe i should let sheryl be in charge.. she is still more popular than me.. even if i leave the band will still be complete.. its just so unwanted.. this feeling.. even though i feel very happy when i go for band. Now shikin has decided to leave e vice president post.. i'm all alone now.. my committee is not working well.. i don't know what to do... i'm just so bad.. so... useless i guess.. haiz... gotta head home to study now.. my brain is dead...

Janice says goodbye..

hmm.. band is my life

hello.... yesterday was balloon hat featival... whee.. it was cool man.. haha.. but hot too.. i'm burnt.. i look black.. but not as black as dear.. haha... i'm wearing my super baggy pants now... cool..yesterday.. it was cool.. i twisted balloons man.. muahaha... it was cool.. until the popping didnt freak me out anymore.. well.. yesterday... Gim was there.. he was away from the band.. it felt so weird.. something missing.. well... our band was hyper.. the were waking and parading along siloso beach as if it was all theirs... sometimes when i listen to them play those famillar tunes.. i could see myself sitting there.. playing.. it always revives my memories.. those never to be erased from my heart.. we were 1 family.. we went through discrimination.. pain.. suffering and of course glory ( though not much, but still it was the best we could give.. ) How i miss those days.. now with my juniors.. i feel old.. i cant really connect with them well... its the level of thinking i guess.. but its that childishness in them that makes me love them all.. its a life of a senior... we always sacrifice for the better of them quietly.. its the passion that drives me along.. there are times when i despair.. them when i sob.. but still i promised them i'll be there with them along the way.. guiding them ( though i'm not very good myself.. or shall i say bad) well.. now the new batch of alumni is coming up... that will increase e burden on me.. i know i must push on.. well... life goes on..

Janice